May The Axle Wear Out...

Some days are ok. Some days are bad. And then there are those that are agonizingly painful.

Garcia Marquez says in “One Hundred Years of Solitude”, “The history of the family was a machine with unavoidable repetitions, a turning wheel that would have gone on spilling into eternity were it not for the progressive and irremediable wearing of the axle”.

This life too which is a protest of romance against the commonplace of life, is a turning wheel of repetitions... of the swelling of heart with ecstasy…and then the bleeding of it…pulling of the arrow…drying of the blood... of exultation followed by despondency… of reading the signs that lay strewn in my path, of wondering later what those signs actually meant and why they were there in the first place, misleading me all the time… of leaping with joy this moment at the sight of that face...that smile…and wriggling with pain the next day at the disappearance of that face and that smile…of building castles in air, of those castles crumbling down...of swimming in a mire of eternal dichotomy, sometimes towards the shore of free will and sometimes towards the shore of destiny …of trying to be in control..of being carried away…of the heart conjuring improbable miseries, and then consoling itself…of cynicism… of wishful thinking...of optimism…of turning away from God…of running back to Him in desperation…

With every turn of the wheel, my whole being, my body, my mind and my soul are having to endure the suffering caused by the folly of this incurable and incorrigible heart…I wish it would turn into stone…

“…a turning wheel that would have gone on spilling into eternity were it not for the progressive and irremediable wearing of the axle…”

May the axle wear out soon… May I be delivered from this eternal cycle of uncertainty…

Some days are ok. Some days are bad. This day happens to be an agonizingly painful day.
Today I wish I would die. May death come upon me and end the trammels of this travel of tantalization.