Saturday, March 15, 2008

Friendship Notwithstanding

“No one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend. – by Groucho Marx, who was an American comedian and a film star.

Came across this quotation some time ago. At first glance, it seemed like an unreasonable generalization. But as I write this, I believe that it is quite true.

Thinking of some of the people in my life now… roommates, friends. We belong to different schools of thought. Or do we actually? But they are dear to me. I care for them. I have stood by them in times of their need. We have done movies, dinners, shopping together. But once in every while, I see that sarcastic, sardonic smile on their faces, giving me a fleeting glimpse of a secret hatred they are breeding for me of which they probably are unaware themselves.
My only fault is that I am a good debater and I won’t give up easily. My only fault is that I have had the last word(incidentally) in most of the arguments I have had with them. Not because I wanted to, but because I feel strongly for the causes that I feel for and never tire of talking of those causes.
I have a strong conviction and I know my mind too very well, which may not be well received by all. When I say something irrefutable, they accept it but grudgingly so.

But honestly, my winning or loosing an argument does not matter so much.
It’s the beliefs that I am trying to endorse unrelentingly, it’s an idea or a value that I am trying to uphold.

But they probably think otherwise. They are watching me closely. Every time I talk, they are watching for a contradiction, for a weak point, for a trap they can drag me into. See if they can make me put my foot in my mouth. They ask my opinion about every damn issue and make me talk only to contradict me immediately. They won’t let go a single opportunity to disprove me. Not that they succeed, and that makes it worse. They counter argue just for the sake of counter arguing. If I say two plus two is four, they say it’s five. They question and cross question me often. And once in a way, when they win, they give each other high fives and loud laughter follows…to a point of disloyalty. This is their way of getting back at me for not being able to prove a point in a previous argument.

All these days I have been a fool, taking all of this. Feeling hurt.
Arguing passionately as if I get paid for distributing free gyan. I am so easily provoked! I will have to be more diplomatic now on. I will refuse to subject myself to their interviewing, or ask them if they are going to pay me for it. I will simply shrug if they try to provoke me. You are welcome to your philosophy! I am welcome to mine! No explanation please! Let’s not argue.
Sometimes give them a taste of their own medicine. Interview them for a change! Do some counter arguing and exasperate them!

These are people who are my friends. I still like them. I know they are good people. But there is a devil inside everyone that is dormant. It awakens and surfaces once in a way. A streak of disloyalty. A shade of jealousy. An iota of vendetta. A patch of sadism. I will have to make sure these remain buried deep within. That will be good for all of us. And our friendship.


Nitish said...

Why do I have this funny feeling that you have been speaking about me in this post? :-)

Sowmya said...

Hi Nitish, :-)

When did u return from the US?
How are you?

Hey no, this is not about you at all.... :) god knows why you fel so...!!


Anupama Kondayya said...

I have so been through the same thing so many times although it hasn't been my friend's way to get back at me...they derive entertainment out of seeing me defend my opinion or vehemently profess a point...and even that is unfair.

So I adopt the best strategy these days - keep mum.

Good and brutally honest post...

Sowmya said...

As I said, we dont get paid to educate people. We should be charging them if they wish to have intellectual conversations with us :)

Yes. We should not be easily incited and save our words for genuine listeners...